Random thoughts...and a little preaching. :)

Change is inevitable. Change is hard. Change takes discipline. I hate change...well, some change at least. 

I wonder how many times I've said Today is a brand new day with no mistakes! ...Hmmm TOO many I'm sure.

Wow, so much is happening. This fall is almost too busy but it's been interesting already fo sho! I've been doing doing things lately very out of my comfort zone, like:

~I'm helping Sheryl and Lovina coach volleyball which is challenging, interesting, crazy busy, and fun. Why am I coaching you may ask?? Because I was asked and after praying and telling god how much sense it DIDN'T make, I still felt like He said DO it. fine...

~I spoke to around 80 women at a womens' conference and conquered one of my fears. WOOOT!Why, you may ask?? Because I was asked to do it and after telling God I'm not a speaker, I'm a SINGER, in case He forgot, He said to DO it.

~I will be leading worship at another womens conference this fall where far more qualified leaders will be...including my sis, but I'm trusting God yet again that He knows what He's doing. :) Yes, I was asked to do it, and although I WANT to say no, God has NEVER let me down. Why would He start now??

You may think these things are relatively easy for me to do. I assure you they are NOT. Each one has/will make me incredibly nervous, will cause me to desperately lean on and trust God, and has/will push me to my limits before, during, and after. Eric and I's relationship ALWAYS goes thru hell and back during these times but always also draws us closer in the end. Satan attacks at every turn, every vulnerable moment, at every moment of weakness he attacks...the bastard.

It's NOT easy but I know that every time I say yes to a challenge, satan gets a little more afraid of me. If God can trust me to obey Him, even when I'm scared and don't want to, then satan starts to freak and prob sends out more minions to attack. Awesome. I'm just glad I've got God on my side and He's proven Himself trustworthy. 

Satan, I don't challenge you to attack. You know my limitations, fears, and weaknesses but KNOW THIS...I will not give up, I WILL keep getting back up every time I fall and I WILL keep fighting til the day I die b/c i choose Christ every time and GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN SATAN WHO IS IN THE WORLD. BOO-YAH!

You fall down, you get back up again..

This past week was a giant F-A-I-L! Wow, I didn't even see it coming...Except that the header on my devotional Monday am read "Preparing for the Attack." Holy cow...not a coincidence! lol

     It went on to talk about how there's a lot of stress involved with starting a new venture by the sheer amount of work you have to put into it but there's also a lot of emotional and spiritual stress involved. "The closer you get to completion or lasting eternal impact, the more spiritual attacks you should expect." 

     It Highlights 4 kinds of attacks to watch out for.

~Physical setbacks: Satan loves to rob us of our effectiveness by unexpected illness or simply irritating physical problems, like a backache, or waking up with your eye swollen shut, falling down steps!!! etc...

~Technical setbacks: a computer problem, flooding in your basement, your car breaking down!! ( I'm getting mad just thinking about the issues that not only me but my friends have dealt with recently!!!)

~Preoccupation: being preoccupied will make you more likely to run out of gas, drop/lose your phone, forget to lock you doors etc...  It says that satan was an angel who got off track, so his favorite tool is getting us off track with him. I HATE this because it works for me so I need to find a way to gain AND KEEP my focus better!  

~Heaviness of heart: The devo says this one is the most common, and the hardest to pinpoint. It's an overwhelming heaviness that feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. a feeling of oppression that you don't understand. It could be a feeling that you're battling something evil or just having depression that you don't know where it came from. OR just a bunch if down days...whatever. 

"The first step out of the attack is to identify the irritation or setback as an attack."

  This all makes sense because I've been asked to step out of my comfort zone in leadership in a bunch of areas recently. As I've struggled with whether to do them or not, I keep coming back to my vow with God when I moved and this new church started, to be obedient with whatever was asked of me no matter how I felt about it. God has proven that He will use me as long as I'm willing to be the vessel time after time. So I really need to be prayed up and just keep pushing through I guess.

  So yeah, last week was a total bust but this morning I felt like God was saying I really need to lose the all or nothing mentality because even though I feel like it was a total fail, He's reminding me there were good moments and good decisions. I guess I need to focus on the good things, one moment/meal at a time and not the day or week as a whole.

weight loss journey

Well, tomorrow is the day. Yet another step on my journey to lose 100+ lbs. Each day is a new day with no mistakes...until you start breathing that is. haha June was a blur. A wonderful blur but alas, a whirlwind of activity and nevertheless there was no plan of action. No preparation or real focus of any kind for healthy eating or exercise. Thank God His mercies are new every day. SO, tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully I don't blow it. I know that's not a good way to start..hoping not to fail...but in truth I don't FEEL mentally prepared or motivated at THIS point. Who knows by tomorrow. 

It's kind of like cleaning my house. I don't feel like it very often but when I DO, it's like hold the phone and watch her go! I am a woman on a mission and can accomplish great things! ...WHEN my mind is made up and I go for it! So it's kind of the same thing with weight loss. When my mind is made up and I'm mentally on the right track I CAN do it. It just takes awhile to get there. God help me get there!

Guitar lessons

This month at the Urbana campus, Daniel and Stefan are offering Worship Guitar 101 for all those who want to learn how to play. It's every Thursday night 6:30-8:30 and it's FREE! I was so excited and even more so now! Our first lesson was this past week and I feel really good about it! I originally wanted to have learned to play by my birthday so I'm a little behind but it's all good. After just 1 1/2 hrs of teaching I can play 2 songs, albeit SLOWLY and out of time. haha I'm loving it and am feeling a real sense of accomplishment at learning something new and reaching one of my goals. :) ps. my fingers are killing me!!

JUNE!!!

I cannot believe that I didn't blog at all the whole month of June. That's just ludicrous. Well let me sum  it up for you! 

Week 1 - Carolyn and I went home for the week and had a lot of fun. I didn't make any plans with other friends while I was home, I spent the whole time with mom, and the girls, and the kids of course. I had one fight with Ems while I was at home and a semi-argument with Annie so that sucked but it also made us talk through some things and MAYBE understand each other better...I hope. All in all it was a very relaxing week and we had a lot of fun! :) I came home to a clean house in addition to wine, chocolate and flowers, all thanks to my wonderful husband! It was a WONDERFUL surprise! I lOVE when he thinks of me and does things for me that make me feel special and loved. :) He's a keeper

The next week was spent unpacking and trying to get back in the grove of things but I didn't do anything but work basically. No working out, etc...  The next weekend, Andi and Megs came over and we had a good time together.

The following Tuesday LAURI surprised me by flying in for a WEEK for my birthday, so that was AWESOME!!!! I was sick for three out of the 4 weeks in June so that was a pisser but Lauri and I still had a wonderful time together...watching tv (got her hooked on a few shows he he), reading, laying by the pool every other day, we had a great time just BEING together. I loved having her here but it went by WAY too fast! Should've been 2 WEEKS!!!! :D   

That Saturday they celebrated my B-day and it was well...not the best birthday ever but DEF fun! The important ppl were there for most of the day and Tanya and Lamar came in for my b-day as well so that was AWESOME!!!! I was super stoked to hear they were coming and couldn't wait to hang out with them. That meant a lot to me. :) 

Since I didn't know Lauri was coming I hadn't cleaned so after she left I started cleaning the house and FINALLY got it back to where I could enjoy my house. :) We had a small group cook out that week on Thursday night, and Nick and Mandie's Friday night for a fire pit. 

The next and final week of June was spent working, cleaning and preparing for mom and dad coming into town on July 1st. 

So see how June just FLEW by?! It was crazy! So much was packed into it...so many good times and moments shared with friends. June was awesome. I loved it

Upside down

Why is it that as soon as you start to get it together, or are heading in the right direction...you lose it. I was feeling great. I just blogged like 100 verses for crying out loud! I felt like I had a handle on things and right about the time I felt like OK, I can do this, I started feeling completely overwhelmed, out of control, emotionally unstable. AND I DON'T LIKE IT! I'm not talking about weight issues for once. I'm talking about my schedule for the next 2 weeks. I'm freaking out. Why?! I don't know! Impending T.O.M. maybe...probably. But in this moment I don't feel like I can handle it. I just want to jump ahead to May 30th. I'm pretty sure these fears are irrational but right now they totally feel legit. Ugh I just hate how quickly a day or a minute can turn around with just one call, text, or THOUGHT! Maybe I'll go back and read those verses I just posted or better yet look up some more. HAH! Right back atcha devil!!

Inspiration

Here are some verses that I'm using to persevere in my journey to get healthy in mind, body and soul. :) Hopefully they inspire you too.  The different versions of very familiar verses really help to make them personal to me.

~"No test or temptation that comes my way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will NEVER let you down. He'll never let you be pushed past your limit, he'll always be there to help you come through it." 1 Cor. 10:13 (MSG)   (He'll provide a way out!) 

~"I do not regard myself as having laid hold of "it" yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on to the goal for the prize...I'm off and running & I'm not looking back." Phil 3:13-14 (NASB/MSG)

~"Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my own whims. I must not become (mastered) a slave to anything. 1 Cor. 6:12 (MSG/NLT)

~"ALL THINGS are possible to those who believe." Mark 9:23b

~"An appetite for good brings much satisfaction, but the belly of the wicked ALWAYS wants MORE." Prov. 13:25 (MSG)

~"I know the One in whom I trust and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of day of his return." 2 Tim. 1:12b

~"So now there is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has FREED you from the power of sin which leads to death." Rom. 8:1-2 (NLT)

~"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5 (NIV)

~"Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton-candy. Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Is. 55:2b (MSG) The NLT says, "Why do you spend your money on food that does not give you strength."

~"Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 (MSG)

~"Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20 (MSG)

~"My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness." Gal. 5:16 (MSG) The NLT says, "So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves."

~"Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The devil is poised to pounce and would like nothing better than to catch you napping." 1 Pet 5:8 (MSG)

~"Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything that offends You and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Ps. 139:23-24 (NLT)

~"God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it, not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us." Eph 3:20 (MSG)

~"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him." Rom 12:1 (MSG)

~" I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; With singing lips my mouth will praise You." Psalm 63:5 (NIV)

~"A hostile world! I call to God to help me. From his palace he hears my call; My cry brings me right into His presence- A private audience." Psalm 18:6 (MSG)

~" I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13 (NLT/NASB)