I heart Saturdays

I love Saturdays because we can usually sleep in and just relax til whenever we feel like actually doing something. I know it won't be like this forever so I cherish each one now. In the future we will have kids pouncing on us :) and things to do but right now we can use it as a day to just chill and do nothing. It's AWESOME! My fave part is cuddling in bed and neither of us having to get up to go to work. AWESOME I tell you! Obviously not every Saturday is like this one in fact it's been awhile since we've had one so maybe that's why this one was so amazing. Either way, I <3 it. It's been a great day and I don't take it for granted. :D

Kauffman Small Group :)

Thursday nights are our night for small group and tonight was no exception. We love our small group. When we first started it I told Eric who God had laid on my heart to invite and he laughed and said, yeah, they won't come. Well, surprisingly to Eric, they came! He's still amazed by the people who come consistently even though some don't go to church. They all engage, even the shy ones and that's such a blessing. Sometimes I get anxious or nervous a couple days ahead because of getting the house/food ready etc but I told Eric tonight that's it's a good thing we have small group because it's guaranteed that our house gets cleaned at least once a week. lol 

     Tonight as I crawled into bed I checked Facebook one last time, lame I know, and one girl from our group had sent a message saying how much she enjoys our small group, how real Eric and I are and how that's just what she needs in this season of her life. That meant so much to us! They've expressed before through prayer etc...what an influence this has had on their lives and I just thank God for bringing them to us. We've been there for them through tough times and they were there to pray with us through Eric's heart scare. I love the way God places people in your life for different seasons. This season with our small group has been such a great blessing...even if I am the oldest one in the group. :( BOO!! haha

My Kryptonite

Apparently My battle with food is my kryptonite, the one thing that seems to destroy or consistently eat at me. lol - Pun intended. ;) I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I've seen pics of myself as a child where I was skinny or healthy but somewhere in the 4th-5th grades I started eating too much. I remember my mom saying one time when I was pretty young, "give that food to Amy, she's our trash can."At the time I don't know if it hurt my feelings as bad as it made me think, well maybe I AM! I've remembered it through the years however, so it must have made an impact, and not a favorable one. My mom never meant to hurt me, I know this. She is kind-hearted to the bone but everyone says things they don't really mean sometimes...even mommies. Although at the time, it was probably a true statement. :( 

     As a kid we traveled 9 months out of the year and were only home 2 days-2 weeks at one time so it was always difficult to fit back in with your friends at school when you'd been gone. They were usually talking about different stuff and boys each time we came home. I was really shy when I was young, I know...shocker! I used to cry every day because I didn't want to go to school. my parents basically had to force me to go. I'm guessing the stress of coming and going so much and the pressures of being in the spotlight non-stop may have caused me to turn to something that never changed...food. It was like a constant companion that wouldn't laugh at me or make me feel like I didn't belong. I know how crazy that sounds, but we all have our kryptonite my friends. It has just taken me too long to actively DO something about it. To get help. 

     I'm very leery of going back to my childhood to see if there's a root cause somewhere for my eating addiction because I don't like/want to cast blame or make excuses for my bad decisions or behavior. I did this to myself and i feel like therefor I deserve every consequence to come. I do know however that there are reasons for our behaviors and actions. Some are passed down generationally, some are hereditary, and some are learned. Mine could have been a combination. Obesity reared its ugly head on both my mom AND dads sides of the family. That, along with our lifestyle growing up, (which I'm extremely grateful for and wouldn't change it if given the chance)eating late, lots of fast-food, hardly any exercise, and me being teh middle child and shy but still pushed into the spotlight are all things that could have contributed to my obesity. I hate that word, I really do. It doesn't sound like me and it shouldn't be me. 

     Growing up I always felt second, third, or fourth-best, which lets face it, was last because Megan wasn't here yet. okay kinda funny, but true. My dad meant well but solos were picked on a 'who can sing it the best' basis. I always felt ill-equipped, a poor substitute, just lacking I guess. Again, because of my nerves, I had to be forced to sing solos when I was asked, because I knew others could sing it better, they were just being nice. I believed a lot of lies about myself and was really impressionable as most kids are in middle-school age. I felt like I'd never catch a break surrounded by sisters whose incredible vocal abilities made mine pale in comparison. I got to the point of actually telling my sister Carolyn that if she didn't leave the group, I'd never be noticed. I couldn't compare to the tall, beautiful, SKINNY person with the angelic voice anymore. How selfish is that i ask you?! I was in a place where I felt completely obsolete, invisible, and like just another voice. Thank God, we've been able to talk about that conversation since then, and I've been able to ask her to forgive me for my terrible comments and attitude towards her. We were so close in age that we were always compared and I never matched up.

     Lets skip ahead since this isn't a novel...lol. I've tried a lot of diets, I mean a LOT! I've dome a lot of things on my own, prayed, had people pray FOR me etc...  Until recently I've been doing things a little under the radar, here and there but I've finally come to grips with the fact that I am indeed addicted to food.  There I said it. I've been to an OA(over-eaters anonymous) meeting, and am currently going to counseling/praying through this addiction. I've went back to look at the past to see where this started for me and why and am currently working through my crap. Why am i doing this? Because i've tried everything else in the past and it hasn't worked. Insanity is doing the same thing thing over and over, expecting different results. I guess i've been technically insane. :) Not anymore! i'm making headways...progress. It'll be a long process but I want to get to the root of it and MOVE ON! I want VICTORY. FREEDOM. So, there it is...Hi, My name is Amy, and I'm addicted to food, but by God's crazy grace, I know that I will be freed. :)

    

     

I'm Happy and Baby fever :)

On, Sunday am during our worship team prayer time, Carolyn asked how each of us was feeling, you know, our present state of mind. I was like well, I'm feeling really excited! For the past month I've had a flurry of emotions, worry, doubt, etc but right now I'm just feeling so extremely grateful and thankful for everything God's done for us that I'm overwhelmingly happy and content. We all go through seasons, which is cool or life would be boring, but it seems like its been awhile since I've had joy or been really happy about life. Maybe it takes God shaking your life up a bit you to see everything you have. However that works, I'm really happy with being happy. LOL Go ahead, make fun. I know how it sounds.

     I really want a baby. I'm ready for the next chapter of my life...the one where I push out a kid. haha Well, not the actual pushing out part, but I'm so ready to cradle OUR baby in my arms and begin the mommyhood journey. :) I'm very fearful that my weight will be an issue with me getting pregnant and that scares me. I also want to make sure Eric is on the same page or that will the the joy out of it. I'm praying that God will give us a baby in His time and that I'll be ok with waiting in the meantime. I'm just really excited about having a little Amy or Eric running around...whoa thats scary when you think about it! haha Anyway, God I trust your timing.  :)

Eric's heart

This month has been cold & nasty, but it's also been WARM, sunny and beautiful!! It's crazy how fast the weather and winds can change; Crazy, but encouraging! We're like that too. We go through times when things are really rough, you get stuck in a rut, and feel like there's no way out, then one day the sun comes out and hope is reborn. :) I love those times...when hope seems lost then God just 'shows up'. Whether it's in a gorgeous sunset, a blue sky, a gentle wind, or just really feeling His presence for the first time in a long time. Those moments are priceless to me. 

     So I have A LOT to write about and am beginning to wonder if Tanya's idea of blogging every day is pure brilliance. haha I don't think I'll be able to keep THAT up but I would like to be more consistent.

     I wanted to share briefly about our miracle that's happened within the last month. Eric was born with a heart condition called Aortic Stenosis, which means he was born with 2, instead of 3 heart valves. Up until last May he was supposed to go to his cardiologist once a year for a routine checkups but he'd had no problems with it as of yet. they'd basically said that until he starts exhibiting symptoms such as shortness of breath while walking, any chest pain or tightness, and others I can't remember. Well, to make this story shorter, Eric started having symptoms on a Wednesday while at work. So his boss drove him to the Arthur clinic and I met them there. He was slightly dizzy, nauseous, experiencing s.o.b., and tightness in his chest. The Dr checked him, said it could be the flu or a number of other things that were going around, did an EKG on him and called his cardiologist, but they didn't see anything abnormal and since Eric had an apt already scheduled with his cardiologist the following Monday, they just said to stay home, rest, and see what the Doc said then. That week, Eric and i went back and forth being sick. If he felt well, then I had a migraine, and once I'd start to feel better, he'd get worse. It got to the point that I was like what the heck is going on?! This of course was also right after we'd had a very powerful Holy Spirit night at church AND I'd led worship for the first time the previous Sun am. Hmmm Surprise, surprise...We starting feeling attacked physically, in our marriage, etc... and it was starting to wear both of us out.

     On Sunday am, I had a meltdown and Eric was feeling the worst he'd felt yet but we knew we had to go to church to get prayer so we got there late and slipped in relatively unnoticed. I couldn't stop crying and when ministry time finally came I was relieved! A group of our close friends/fam surrounded us, began praying and speaking words over us and it all changed from that moment on. Eric never felt chest pain again after that. :D Praise God! 

      On Monday, Eric's Dr. said he saw a growth of some kind on Eric's heart. A membrane or something?? He wasn't sure so he said we had to come back the following Tues and have a heart cath and 1 other test to get better pics of his heart. SO, we prayed a lot about finances as well as his condition etc b/c Eric's Doc said he still couldn't go back to work. Well, I'll be honest, I was worried b/c what were we supposed to do if all the income depended on me and what if Eric couldn't work again at all?! Holy cow that's a lot of pressure. AND I WANT TO HAVE KIDS AT SOME POINT!! Hello God...what's going on?? Well, I should've known that God is way bigger that us, and He goes ahead of us and works things out FOR us. :) On the way home from the hospital, Eric's boss called to find out how it went and when Eric told him that he couldn't work for the next week at least, his boss told him to come in for a couple days anyway and they'd let him work but not make him lift anything. They found other stuff for him to do without ANY physical labor! HOW AWESOME IS GOD?? So awesome. 

     We received lots of prayer that week...Thursday night at our small group, Sunday am at church, even Monday night at VLT (Vineyard Leadership Training) at church, and of course through Facebook there were tons of peeps praying. Monday night on the way home from VLT, Greg called and told Eric that God had told him the previous day that he was supposed to pray for him anfd he said he doesn't normally hear God that clearly so he felt like he better do it. Haha :) So, they drove out of their way to come over to our house at 945pm with their kids to pray for us. It was really powerful and Greg said he felt like God was wiping Eric's heart clean. It meant a lot to us that they obeyed God and were willing to follow through. 

     The next morning we made the trip yet again to Springfield to see Eric's cardiologist. He did a heart cath, where they cut open an artery in his groin and send a tube up to his heart to get a better look. And he also had to do a TEE, where they numbed his throat with a "Lidocaine popsicle" then make him "swallow" a camera on a rope??? Then they pull it back up his throat. He loved both procedures. LOL Anyway, long story a little longer (haha) 8 hrs later they took us into the results room which I call the death room to tell us the dealio. I'd been calm up to that point but then my heart started racing as we were waiting. What if it was bad news? I hadn't really let myself think about that yet. We were praying for complete healing, after all. Where's the balance in praying for healing and preparing for the worst. If you're preparing for the worst, is that really faith?? IDK, but anyhoo, When the Dr finally came into that tiny room, he was all smiles. :D He said, it's great news! We couldn't find anything on his heart, he doesn't need surgery...at least not until he's prob 50 and by then they wont have to open you up for open heart surgery. He didn't put Eric on any physical restrictions, which is great! That means he can work, play sports, coach basketball etc. He can also go back to annual checkups vs 6 mo., which will really help out with his Dr.'s bills. So, all around GREAT NEWS!! When the Doc left the room, his parents and I jumped up and started hugging and crying. It was an epic moment. One I will never forget. God is so good. 

     Since then, Eric hasn't had any pain or symptoms of any kind, Thank you Jesus! I know our faith has been increased. Just the other night, we were praying about our finances and yesterday Eric got a new job! A full-time job working for his dad. He's so excited and I am too! he's going to enjoy it a lot more I think and he'll be able to add customer service to his resume' which will be good for the future. 

     God is great, and I'm UBER excited to see where he wants to take us this year. This experience has brought us closer to each other and to God. We were reminded how quickly things can change and not to take a moment that we have together for granted. I love this man with all my heart and I want to spend the next 70+ years (hah) with him. ;)

January is OVER!

Well, January has past...rather slowly, it was crazy cold and rather gloomy. I love November and December and It always makes me kind of sad to have Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years behind me. I so love the times we get to spend with our families during the holidays, and all the parties and fun times with friends.

     Then January comes and it's dull and gloomy and cold and just, well, kinda depressing. I love the the snow, but it does get old quickly. One reason I like January is because it's a new year, a fresh start. You can have a fresh start anytime throughout the year but there's something about doing it in the beginning of the year that makes it feel real, like it's a new year and anything can happen! It gives hope, even if it's false hope. haha So, a new year, new goals, new resolve...well not yet.
     So this is the first year that I've had alot of free time in January. I've only been nannying 2 1/2 days a week and old Navy has there winter hours so I'm down to like 4 hrs/week! It's crazy having this much time on my hands. I WISH I would've picked up my scrapbooking but I guess I still can, lol, Winter isn't over yet!!  There have already been some highs and lows this year. I think I'll blog about that next time. I'd like to at least keep track of what happens month to month. So yeah, January is over! Oh, AND it was our anniversary!!! Holy cow, how sad is it that I didn't even mention that yet?? We haven't gotten to celebrate it yet :( so it was pretty much just any other day. More on that next blog...