Freedom from addictions :)

     So, last week has been really cool. Weird...but cool. So, I was praying on Wed afternoon and getting really depressed and desperate, in the area of control over what I put in my mouth. I don't know if I've ever really heard God tell me to fast before but i've been reading this book on fasting and it was talking about how God acknowledges sacrifice. Any sacrifice. If something is so important to you that you are willing give something up then God sees that and will honor your sacrifice. Well, I find it really hard to fast ever since I did a 40 day fast years ago and didn't feel like anything really came of it. Sure I lost like 35 lbs that I gained back + some, but I didn't feel anything spiritually happen. No breakthroughs. Come on, isn't that why we really fast, to get something out of it? Maybe that's why nothing happened, I don't know. So now I'm also leery of fasting because I don't want to lose weight that I'll just regain. 

      Anyway, Wednesday I felt desperate. desperate for change, desperate for help...just desperate. So finally I said Ok God, I'm done! I'm not eating again until you either fix me or tell me to eat. Basically, the ball's in your court and I'm not making any more decisions about what I put into my mouth. I was scared to do this because I was a little afraid that he would make me fast forever!! haha So, I started fasting and really praying and crying out to God to heal this part of me. I said I wanted change; I nearly demanded a breakthrough and said I wouldn't eat again until He had come through for me. 

     Well, on Thursday around noon I heard him say Why don't you eat some soup? I was like...what? Was that you God? So anyway, long story even longer God has been talking to me, telling me what to eat, giving me the freedom to eat but it's very different than before. He doesn't literally tell me every meal to eat but I just get a 'sense' of what I should eat and it's different because I've realized that I no longer HAVE to eat everything on my plate. I can say no to food. It doesn't control me any longer. I really thought this was going to be a loong drawn out process.  I KNOW that Jesus can change you whenever, however He wants to but I just figured this wasn't one of those times and since I've prayed about it so many times before I was like is this time going to be any different?

     Well, I feel like it is. I really don't feel the same pull towards food that I did before. I just LOVE the freedom that I feel to kind of eat whatever, without desiring to eat EVERYTHING, if that makes sense. it's awesome!!! I pray constantly that Jesus will continue to speak to me and guide me in this new adventure. I want to lean on Him and depend on Him to fill me and supply all my needs. I keep telling Him that I hunger more for Him than for food. My verse for this season of my life is Psalm 63:5 "I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; With singing lips my mouth will praise you." I LOVE that! Pray with/for me that God will continue to lead and guide me but mostly that I will listen and obey. I want to be sensitive to His spirit and my fear is that I will go back to my old ways. I keep telling the devil that he's been defeated and my flesh that it no longer has control over me. Let it Be Jesus, let it be. :D Yay for freedom!!