Random thoughts...and a little preaching. :)

Change is inevitable. Change is hard. Change takes discipline. I hate change...well, some change at least. 

I wonder how many times I've said Today is a brand new day with no mistakes! ...Hmmm TOO many I'm sure.

Wow, so much is happening. This fall is almost too busy but it's been interesting already fo sho! I've been doing doing things lately very out of my comfort zone, like:

~I'm helping Sheryl and Lovina coach volleyball which is challenging, interesting, crazy busy, and fun. Why am I coaching you may ask?? Because I was asked and after praying and telling god how much sense it DIDN'T make, I still felt like He said DO it. fine...

~I spoke to around 80 women at a womens' conference and conquered one of my fears. WOOOT!Why, you may ask?? Because I was asked to do it and after telling God I'm not a speaker, I'm a SINGER, in case He forgot, He said to DO it.

~I will be leading worship at another womens conference this fall where far more qualified leaders will be...including my sis, but I'm trusting God yet again that He knows what He's doing. :) Yes, I was asked to do it, and although I WANT to say no, God has NEVER let me down. Why would He start now??

You may think these things are relatively easy for me to do. I assure you they are NOT. Each one has/will make me incredibly nervous, will cause me to desperately lean on and trust God, and has/will push me to my limits before, during, and after. Eric and I's relationship ALWAYS goes thru hell and back during these times but always also draws us closer in the end. Satan attacks at every turn, every vulnerable moment, at every moment of weakness he attacks...the bastard.

It's NOT easy but I know that every time I say yes to a challenge, satan gets a little more afraid of me. If God can trust me to obey Him, even when I'm scared and don't want to, then satan starts to freak and prob sends out more minions to attack. Awesome. I'm just glad I've got God on my side and He's proven Himself trustworthy. 

Satan, I don't challenge you to attack. You know my limitations, fears, and weaknesses but KNOW THIS...I will not give up, I WILL keep getting back up every time I fall and I WILL keep fighting til the day I die b/c i choose Christ every time and GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN SATAN WHO IS IN THE WORLD. BOO-YAH!

You fall down, you get back up again..

This past week was a giant F-A-I-L! Wow, I didn't even see it coming...Except that the header on my devotional Monday am read "Preparing for the Attack." Holy cow...not a coincidence! lol

     It went on to talk about how there's a lot of stress involved with starting a new venture by the sheer amount of work you have to put into it but there's also a lot of emotional and spiritual stress involved. "The closer you get to completion or lasting eternal impact, the more spiritual attacks you should expect." 

     It Highlights 4 kinds of attacks to watch out for.

~Physical setbacks: Satan loves to rob us of our effectiveness by unexpected illness or simply irritating physical problems, like a backache, or waking up with your eye swollen shut, falling down steps!!! etc...

~Technical setbacks: a computer problem, flooding in your basement, your car breaking down!! ( I'm getting mad just thinking about the issues that not only me but my friends have dealt with recently!!!)

~Preoccupation: being preoccupied will make you more likely to run out of gas, drop/lose your phone, forget to lock you doors etc...  It says that satan was an angel who got off track, so his favorite tool is getting us off track with him. I HATE this because it works for me so I need to find a way to gain AND KEEP my focus better!  

~Heaviness of heart: The devo says this one is the most common, and the hardest to pinpoint. It's an overwhelming heaviness that feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. a feeling of oppression that you don't understand. It could be a feeling that you're battling something evil or just having depression that you don't know where it came from. OR just a bunch if down days...whatever. 

"The first step out of the attack is to identify the irritation or setback as an attack."

  This all makes sense because I've been asked to step out of my comfort zone in leadership in a bunch of areas recently. As I've struggled with whether to do them or not, I keep coming back to my vow with God when I moved and this new church started, to be obedient with whatever was asked of me no matter how I felt about it. God has proven that He will use me as long as I'm willing to be the vessel time after time. So I really need to be prayed up and just keep pushing through I guess.

  So yeah, last week was a total bust but this morning I felt like God was saying I really need to lose the all or nothing mentality because even though I feel like it was a total fail, He's reminding me there were good moments and good decisions. I guess I need to focus on the good things, one moment/meal at a time and not the day or week as a whole.

weight loss journey

Well, tomorrow is the day. Yet another step on my journey to lose 100+ lbs. Each day is a new day with no mistakes...until you start breathing that is. haha June was a blur. A wonderful blur but alas, a whirlwind of activity and nevertheless there was no plan of action. No preparation or real focus of any kind for healthy eating or exercise. Thank God His mercies are new every day. SO, tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully I don't blow it. I know that's not a good way to start..hoping not to fail...but in truth I don't FEEL mentally prepared or motivated at THIS point. Who knows by tomorrow. 

It's kind of like cleaning my house. I don't feel like it very often but when I DO, it's like hold the phone and watch her go! I am a woman on a mission and can accomplish great things! ...WHEN my mind is made up and I go for it! So it's kind of the same thing with weight loss. When my mind is made up and I'm mentally on the right track I CAN do it. It just takes awhile to get there. God help me get there!

Guitar lessons

This month at the Urbana campus, Daniel and Stefan are offering Worship Guitar 101 for all those who want to learn how to play. It's every Thursday night 6:30-8:30 and it's FREE! I was so excited and even more so now! Our first lesson was this past week and I feel really good about it! I originally wanted to have learned to play by my birthday so I'm a little behind but it's all good. After just 1 1/2 hrs of teaching I can play 2 songs, albeit SLOWLY and out of time. haha I'm loving it and am feeling a real sense of accomplishment at learning something new and reaching one of my goals. :) ps. my fingers are killing me!!

JUNE!!!

I cannot believe that I didn't blog at all the whole month of June. That's just ludicrous. Well let me sum  it up for you! 

Week 1 - Carolyn and I went home for the week and had a lot of fun. I didn't make any plans with other friends while I was home, I spent the whole time with mom, and the girls, and the kids of course. I had one fight with Ems while I was at home and a semi-argument with Annie so that sucked but it also made us talk through some things and MAYBE understand each other better...I hope. All in all it was a very relaxing week and we had a lot of fun! :) I came home to a clean house in addition to wine, chocolate and flowers, all thanks to my wonderful husband! It was a WONDERFUL surprise! I lOVE when he thinks of me and does things for me that make me feel special and loved. :) He's a keeper

The next week was spent unpacking and trying to get back in the grove of things but I didn't do anything but work basically. No working out, etc...  The next weekend, Andi and Megs came over and we had a good time together.

The following Tuesday LAURI surprised me by flying in for a WEEK for my birthday, so that was AWESOME!!!! I was sick for three out of the 4 weeks in June so that was a pisser but Lauri and I still had a wonderful time together...watching tv (got her hooked on a few shows he he), reading, laying by the pool every other day, we had a great time just BEING together. I loved having her here but it went by WAY too fast! Should've been 2 WEEKS!!!! :D   

That Saturday they celebrated my B-day and it was well...not the best birthday ever but DEF fun! The important ppl were there for most of the day and Tanya and Lamar came in for my b-day as well so that was AWESOME!!!! I was super stoked to hear they were coming and couldn't wait to hang out with them. That meant a lot to me. :) 

Since I didn't know Lauri was coming I hadn't cleaned so after she left I started cleaning the house and FINALLY got it back to where I could enjoy my house. :) We had a small group cook out that week on Thursday night, and Nick and Mandie's Friday night for a fire pit. 

The next and final week of June was spent working, cleaning and preparing for mom and dad coming into town on July 1st. 

So see how June just FLEW by?! It was crazy! So much was packed into it...so many good times and moments shared with friends. June was awesome. I loved it

Upside down

Why is it that as soon as you start to get it together, or are heading in the right direction...you lose it. I was feeling great. I just blogged like 100 verses for crying out loud! I felt like I had a handle on things and right about the time I felt like OK, I can do this, I started feeling completely overwhelmed, out of control, emotionally unstable. AND I DON'T LIKE IT! I'm not talking about weight issues for once. I'm talking about my schedule for the next 2 weeks. I'm freaking out. Why?! I don't know! Impending T.O.M. maybe...probably. But in this moment I don't feel like I can handle it. I just want to jump ahead to May 30th. I'm pretty sure these fears are irrational but right now they totally feel legit. Ugh I just hate how quickly a day or a minute can turn around with just one call, text, or THOUGHT! Maybe I'll go back and read those verses I just posted or better yet look up some more. HAH! Right back atcha devil!!

Inspiration

Here are some verses that I'm using to persevere in my journey to get healthy in mind, body and soul. :) Hopefully they inspire you too.  The different versions of very familiar verses really help to make them personal to me.

~"No test or temptation that comes my way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will NEVER let you down. He'll never let you be pushed past your limit, he'll always be there to help you come through it." 1 Cor. 10:13 (MSG)   (He'll provide a way out!) 

~"I do not regard myself as having laid hold of "it" yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on to the goal for the prize...I'm off and running & I'm not looking back." Phil 3:13-14 (NASB/MSG)

~"Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my own whims. I must not become (mastered) a slave to anything. 1 Cor. 6:12 (MSG/NLT)

~"ALL THINGS are possible to those who believe." Mark 9:23b

~"An appetite for good brings much satisfaction, but the belly of the wicked ALWAYS wants MORE." Prov. 13:25 (MSG)

~"I know the One in whom I trust and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of day of his return." 2 Tim. 1:12b

~"So now there is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has FREED you from the power of sin which leads to death." Rom. 8:1-2 (NLT)

~"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5 (NIV)

~"Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton-candy. Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Is. 55:2b (MSG) The NLT says, "Why do you spend your money on food that does not give you strength."

~"Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 (MSG)

~"Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20 (MSG)

~"My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness." Gal. 5:16 (MSG) The NLT says, "So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves."

~"Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The devil is poised to pounce and would like nothing better than to catch you napping." 1 Pet 5:8 (MSG)

~"Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything that offends You and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Ps. 139:23-24 (NLT)

~"God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it, not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us." Eph 3:20 (MSG)

~"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him." Rom 12:1 (MSG)

~" I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; With singing lips my mouth will praise You." Psalm 63:5 (NIV)

~"A hostile world! I call to God to help me. From his palace he hears my call; My cry brings me right into His presence- A private audience." Psalm 18:6 (MSG)

~" I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13 (NLT/NASB)

Self-Discipline

Eric and I were talking last night about discipline, whether it's learning to play guitar, drums, eating healthy, exercising, etc... It could be anything. As we were talking he went and grabbed this book that he's been reading, handed it to me and told me to start reading a particular section that's been challenging him. I did and 10 min when he came back I was sitting there with a pen and notebook in hand taking notes. Obviously I was challenged too! ;) Here are some notes:

"The most reliable evidence for the power of self-discipline is to observe the wreckage caused by it's absence."    How true?! He talked about what if you don't FEEL like doing something. Can you MAKE yourself do something you don't want to do? Absolutely! He says, "How you behave or act, ultimately controls how you FEEL." So, figure out what you WANT: to play an instrument, to be happy, to be healthy, to be free from bondage, etc...Find the end result that you want. Then "discipline yourself to act in the manner in which you WANT to FEEL."

How often do we go by how we feel vs how we want to be?! Our feelings are wishy-washy. Not that they aren't valid, but they won't get us anywhere. Definitely not where we want to go. Don't rely on them.

Figure out what you want, how you want to feel, how you want to look, what you want to do....then DO IT. Pretend you're already there. lol  This challenged me so I thought I'd share. :)

weight frustration. Can I catch a break?!?

Right now I'm feeling like I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I've made changes in my eating and I'm not seeing changes. I actually did think I felt a difference in my pants on Wed but the scale didn't show it and although i know that's not what you should be tracking, I can't help it! I joined the fitness center in Tuscola on Tues and I really like it. It's small but the machines are great and classes and online food tracking is included. I don't know if I'll utilize that but I like the fitness center. 

     I guess I'm just trying not to get discouraged and to keep going. I prob need to make bigger changes but I wanted to start small so it wouldn't be too overwhelming and quit. God help me persevere...

     I'm also praying about another job. I had my second interview at Lane Bryant yesterday and they're supposed to let me know today if I got it. I'm just not sure if this is a good thing or not. They pay better than Old Navy, but may not give me the flexibility O.N. does. Pray for me if you think about it. Eric and I have been talking (not enough praying) about it and are trying to decide if it'd be a good fit.

FRIENDS

Close friends are hard to come by. 

They let you bare your heart without apology or fear of ruining their day. 

They value your thoughts, opinions, and ideas even when they don't agree.

They can agree to disagree. :-/

They are sensitive to your feelings even when they have to be brutally honest and share their heart. 

They correct in love.

They let you share your deepest, darkest secrets and fears without judgment. 

They celebrate your victories and cry with you when you lose.

You can count on them to be honest, loyal, & sensitive. 

They challenge you to be a better you, and encourage you to reach for your dreams.

They will pray for you at a moments notice and continue praying even when you don't ask them to.

They know your real potential. :)They see things in you that you can't see in yourself.

They believe in you. 

They love you even when they don't like you. ;)

You can trust them with your heart.

You don't have to wear makeup or change out of your sweatpants for them to walk around walmart with you. haha I like that one

They are still there when you make the wrong decision and blow it.

Some people never get to experience this kind of friend. I have been blessed to have more than one. I don't know why, but God has given me more than I deserve. You know who you are. To my closest of friends...thank you. Thank you for sharing your life with me and allowing me to be a part of yours. I would not be half the person I am without each of you and what you have added to my life. I love you and pray that I can be the kind of friend that you've been to me. <3

IT'S MAYYYYYYYYYYYY!! That means it's almost summer, WOOHOO! I'm so ready for it...in some ways. Not in the getting in a bathing suit kind of way but in a sun, sand, water, beautiful weather, hanging out OUTSIDE with friends kind of way. :) Cookouts, ice cream, watermelon, cold beer or frosty cocktail by the pool, swimming IN the pool, laying out BY the pool...These are just a few of my favorite summer things. I get excited just thinking about them. :)

My birthday is next month, I'm stoked about that. July 4th is always stinking hot but I <3 the fireworks.

What I'm NOT happy about?? Missing my BFF's grad!! That blows big time BUT I know we'll get to see each other later this summer/fall and we'll get to spend more quality time together then. I have to be ok with that.                   

I love you Lauri! I hope you have a great time at your grad and grad party, and have quality time with your family and friends. :) Cheers to YOU!

Highlights of my week

1. Well, this was a super busy week so it wasn't perfect but I'm back on the eating better train and it feels good. Nothing drastic just small tweaks that will hopefully make a bigger difference in the long run. I have to do something that I can do for the rest of my life and not just for a few months so it'll take time and I've succumbed  myself to that fact.

2. HAVING MONDAY OFF WORK!!! WOOT I got to take Blake and Ava to see Hop, which was cute, and I don't get to spend a lot of time w/them so that was cool.

3. Tuesday night we went on a double date with Greg and Hannah. Tuesdays' you get a movie AND popcorn for $6 so we decided to take advantage. :) We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings  and went to see Scream 4....stupid, stupid, stupid. Nothings' changed since the other 3 movies so although parts of it def scared me, I say DON'T SEE IT! I love scary movies but this one has run it's course and then some! lol

4. THE ROYAL WEDDING!! How awesome and intriguing to watch how the royals do it. from Kate's beautifully simple and elegant dress to the TWO kisses on the balcony, and all the hats in between! haha Wow, it was so cool to see not so much the outfits as those HATS! Watching this spurred me to want to have a royalty party with a throwback to old Hollywood style for a little glitz and glamor, seeing as how the royal family doesn't do that but keep it more elegant and plain dare I say? I think this would be a super fun party so if it happens I will def post pics. ;-D

5. On Friday I got to leave Old Navy an hour early so I came home, put my zebra snuggie on :) and checked the mail. I got a receipt saying we only have 2 more car payments left for my car and I was  ecstatic!!!!! So I called Eric and he was so excited that he couldn't concentrate on work anymore and came home. haha (It was 4:45, but he usually works til 5:30-6:30). We've been really trying to stick to our budget so when something gets paid off we are so stoked and it gives us new hope for the future :D
Neither of us are great with money and although both of us prayed we'd find that in our spouse, it was not to be. :( BUT we have found that when we're on the same page we can get 'er done!  I'm sad that those words just came out of my mouth. lol

6. Friday Night = Date Night!! We wanted to celebrate and also just spend a night out together so we went to Olive Garden since we had a gift card, and then went to Cakes On Walnut. Its this cute cupcake place in Chambana that serves cool ice cream flavors and drinks as well. We like watching Cupcake Wars and I just love cupcakes, they're so cute and perfectly put together. Adorable. I had the lemon cupcake w/lemon frosting and sugary lemon zest on top and Eric had the dark chocolate w/ choc frosting w/ filling. Mine was def better as we shared. It was so fun to sit there together and talk about anything and everything. Sometimes at home we can sit side by side on the computer, phone, watching tv etc...and never say a word so it's really nice to spend QUALITY time together. We both had a great time;)www.cakesonwalnut.com

coffee, small group, and Things :)

I'm having a great morning, relaxing, drinking a specialty coffee from Lulu's, the store in Peoria. It's vanilla cupcake and almond icing flavored, THEN I'm using dark choc cream creamer. Hmm too rich you may say? I think not. The coffee flavor is very subtle so it works beautifully and gives me my choc fix, which I've been craving for no particular reason this week. ;-)

     Sometimes I blog to vent, sometimes I blog to share a story, sometimes I blog to share a laugh sometimes I blog just to blog :), and sometimes I blog b/c something challenged or spoke to me and I want to put it on 'paper' so I don't forget it. It's more to encourage or challenge myself more than anything, and this is one of those times. 

     In our small group this week which is talking about faith, Andy Park encouraged us to follow through. He was talking about how often we have the knowledge about something but never actually use it. I wish I knew how to connect the xbox so i could watch it again right now b/c I've already forgotten a lot, but I saw myself in a bunch of scenarios. I've said before that I have an issue committing and following through with things and this just enforced it. I love learning new things, spiritual or other, but what good is it if I don't USE it? I need to start putting my knowledge into practice. Period. It's time to 'get off the couch' and start DOing.

     On another note, last night was so much freaking fun. :) We laughed til we cried and I laughed til i peed a little. True story. That part wasn't cool. At least it was just a trickle. haha Carolyn and Chad had a bunch of us over and we had a Chipotle Fiesta! It was de-lish! Then we played our own made-up game of Things, and it was HY-sterical! We had things like, Things you shouldn't eat w/your mother-in-law (lol), to Things not to say to Nelson Coblentz, to Things you don't want to hear in an orgy. Wow, a wide range right there...Also, Things you don't want to see on a beaver,(I'm pretty sure that was for Tanya, haha) and Things you don't want to hear on your wedding night. (Your sister sure looked good in her bridesmaids dress) lol 

Anyway, it was so fun. 

     Tonight we're going with Eric's fam to an Easter dinner theater thing. It should be good. I hope it's like a passion play. Anyhoo, that's all for today. Peace out PEEPS~ :)

A weekend in Peoria

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged! It's hard to blog about nothing! This past weekend we went to Peoria. We drove down with Troy on Friday eve and cooked out once we got there for dinner. It was de-lish! Then we got out some drinks and started playing cards til it got clapped out. lol 

     We ended up sitting on the floor talking about anything and everything. Laughing, crying and opening up about whatever we wanted to share or get advice on. ( i love those times) Eric was so tired he went to bed and at 1am we finally decided to call it a night as well.

     The next morning I was up before 7 and was SO excited to get the day started that I couldn't sleep! The others were laughing at me b/c we were all planning on sleeping in but seriously, I was too stoked about the day to sleep. I was ready to shop and spend the day with the girls! haha I went upstairs and was like Are you guys ready to go?! Tanya & Ang just looked at me and said, Are you serious? They had just gotten up. I, on the other hand, had showered, dressed and was ready to Go! lol You have to understand that I was finally OUT OF ARCOLA, in a bigger city!! Holy cow was I happy, and had more energy than I had in a WHILE! haha So, after the girls showered and got dressed ( the boys teasing that they better make an effort and come back a "10", lmao) we left to hit the town! The first stop was Lulu's, a super cute little shop that specialized in unique homemade jewelry and just a bunch of fun stuff, like a huge wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine! haha I wanted to buy it but Ang made me turn around and put it back. I think she was afraid I was gonna fill it up in the store. lol 

     From there we went to the mall where I had to exchange some stuff and we shopped around for a while. They had a Lane Bryant so I was pretty happy. :) I was impressed with the mall, I'd def shop there again!

     We ate at a cute little cafe that Tanya & Lamar had been given a gift card for called Over Easy cafe, and it was amazing. We were also starved so that may have made a difference. haha ;) On our way to the next stop we were laughing so hard because me and Lauren, MAYBE Ang;) were dropping fresh hot air biscuits and it was rank up in there. I was a little worried about sharting at one point but got it worked out then. lol Then we went to Charming Charlies...the Ikea of jewelry! Everything is color-coded. Seriously, I had to walk around once to just get over the magnitude of it all THEN go back through and shop. LOL I bought 1 necklace, but I could've spent hundreds and then some! Awesome store! Oh, we also had to stop by Old Navy because it was freaking cold outside...flurrying and WINDY!...and I was in short-sleeves and flip flops! ugh, it was so miserable.

     When WE left C.C. we decided to hit this Goodwill that was supposedly a "really nice" one. Hmm...I don't know what they were smokin but...It was like the clearance rack at goodwill, if that paints a picture. Epic FAIL! he he 

     We grabbed an ice cold Diet Coke from McDs (that makes me smile) then went back home to change and pick up the guys for dinner. We went to 5 Guys Burgers, which was AMAZzING!! Love that place! Then we went back home, cracked open a drink and watched the Hangover. We laughed So hard! I had to tell Troy to shut it because he kept quoting the movie, line for line! After that we decided to play the game of Things by making up our own game. haha It was Legen...wait for it...DARY!! We laughed so hard we peed...i guarantee it! It was hystrical. We hit the sack around 2am and proceeded to sleep in then have a lazy day on Sunday. It was great. No, Awesome! Just what I needed. I weekend away with friends, laughter, and shopping. In that order. Thanks T&L for a fantastic weekend at home...away from home ;) Can't wait til round 2! I will get through many days thinking back over the highlights of last wknd, like Things you don't wanna hear your mom say,..(I can't repeat it, but you know what it was).Things you may see driving through Arthur,...two goats givin it to a beagle, and I can't remember all of the others, or lets face it, I can't SAY them. lol   ...What happens in P-town may need to stay in P-town...LOL

Tuesday morning ladies' Bible Study

Our 10-week Bible study is officially over and although it wasn't the easiest one, I'm glad I stuck it out til the end. Some studies are easier than others. this one was difficult because it was about the tabernacle of  sacrifice and it had a lot of specifications for drawing it, etc. BUT this last week she really brought it home, as she always does, and I was really challenged. 

     On day 4 of the homework this week she said, "I can't show you the Old Testament tabernacle, but I can do better: I can show you the New Testament tabernacle. Have you received Christ as your savior? Then take a long, hard look in the mirror...you ARE the temple." I've known since I was a kid that my body is the temple of the holy spirit. There was never a question about that but sometimes when you've heard something your whole life then someone tells/shows you in a different way, it becomes a new revelation, and that's what happened to me today. I felt a new conviction to live in a different way. 

     We learned to draw the tabernacle in pretty much exact replification, ( i think i just made up a word lol) the tabernacle that the Israelites built. I won't go into any more detail other than saying the dimensions were perfect, precise, exact. God was PICKY!! He wanted, no demanded everything be a certain way, and He was just as picky when He created us. He could have made anything to live in but He created our bodies...and He likes them. Since He lives in us however, that means He experiences everything we do. Scary isn't it? I automatically feel bad when I think about some of the shows I watch on TV, some of the songs I belt out my lungs to, and some of the things I say. I'm almost appalled and yet I know He knew what He was getting into when He chose me, and He chose me anyway. 

     I put this in my status on facebook today and I'll say it again. I want to change some of the things I watch on TV, listen to, and say. I don't want Jesus to have to 'cover His eyes, hold his hands over His ears to outsing me,(he he) or hold His hand over His mouth' to try to stop from experiencing the things I do on a regular basis. I don't want to offend Him in any way. I want Him to be proud of me, proud that I'm his daughter, proud that I'm representing Him. That seems a little far-fetched to me at the moment but I still want it. 

     We are also supposed to take care of our bodies, keep then healthy and strong, to be able to live the life God wants us to have. Well, I haven't done a great job of that but I'm on a journey of renewal, and restoration and hopefully I'll see it through to the end. I know this isn't necessarily about size or weight, but we still need to respect and take good care of our temples. I could say that I've been working on fluffing myself up so Jesus has a comfy place to reside buuuut that's unfortunately not how it works. ;)haha

     I'm glad I did this study and even more glad that God chose to speak to me so directly. I know I have some changes to make and I'm looking forward to seeing the fruit of that. With every bible study I feel like I grow a little closer to being the woman of God that I want to be. I cherish my Tuesday mornings with my lady peeps so much. <3
    

fml

So today kind of sucked. We were planning on going to Winter Jam, a big concert at Assembly Hall, which I was really excited about for 2 reasons. #1 I LOVE concerts and very rarely do I get to go since there aren't a lot close by, and #2 because Tanya and Lamar moved today and I thought that would help take my mind off of it. You know, give me something to look forward to. Eric had to work today til noon and then we were going to leave for Champaign around 2. WELL, around noon I remembered that we volunteered to clean the church this week for Barb & Dave because they went to Las Vegas. OMG...SO by the time we got our butts to Sullivan to clean it was too late to make it to the concert. AUGHH!! I was so mad! I have been so freaking excited about this concert ever since I heard about it so I've been trying to forget about it. FAIL!! 

     We got to hang with Tanya and Lamar last night. It was their last night here so I had to have a drink...or 2 to help with the pain. Yes, it was a little bit of a coping skill, don't judge me. I miss them already. :*(

     So I heard today on fit and health tv that 50% of women that die during childbirth are obese...fml. (You can laugh here, it's ok) Incentive?? Maybe. A definite suck-fest, though.

     Tomorrow I'm leading worship and we're having communion so I planned the set list for worship around that. Well, I was thinking Easter not communion so YAY for tomorrow's worship. It may not make sense. fml

     Reminds me of my 1st small group here when my dear friend Mandie asked for prayer for her friends who were struggling with infidelity and I, thinking infertility, starting praying that they'd get pregnant. LOL...fml. I'm awesome. Everyone should have a friend that makes them feel smart. 

     Dry humor...it's my game tonight. ;)

Discouraged

I'm struggling. I feel like every time I get on the scale it's higher and higher, what the crap?! I feel and still believe that God has broken my addiction to food and compulsive overeating and yet I am gaining weight. I worked out 3 times last week and although it wasn't as much or often as i wanted, it still kicked my butt and I felt good doing it.

     I'm trying to take one day at a time and not get overwhelmed or discouraged by the way my clothes fit or the way I feel but today it's not working... I'm frustrated and feel like I'm losing precious time. GRRRR! It makes me want to just not eat...at all. I'm beginning to wonder if this is something I will ever overcome. Ever feel like YOUR battle is the worst? Maybe I need to watch some more videos of Japan...

I heart Friends :)

 I just wanted to share some pics of a few of my fave peeps. Keeping in mind that I only have a very limited number of photos on my new pc. The 1st one has Carol, me, Mandie, Heidi, Tanya, and Angie at the annual  Yoder Christmas party. A super duper fun night every year!!

 This is Andi and I. We met when I moved to Illinois almost 3 years ago and we hit it off right away. Andi, as she describes herself, is one of the coolest people you will ever meet. LOL

 This is my beautiful sis Meagan, Angie and I. I love Angie and the closer I get to her more I heart her. ;)

 Ahhh...my beautiful sissypoo Carolyn, Tanya, I. Carolyn constantly challenges me and I love living so close to her and her fam. Tanya has grown to be one of my closest friends here and I love her to death. She's the kind of person you never have to be fake with. She accepts you as you are and will always be herself in return. I love her and respect her so much.

 Oh, if it isn't my BFF in the whole world Lauri. I love this woman! I miss her so much and I don't get to see her near often enough since we live so far apart. I hate it but she is almost done with her masters degree and I respect her so much for sticking with it and pursuing her goals. She's a rock star in my book!

 Barb, Megs, Sheryl and I. Barb and Sheryl are two hoots and a howl to hang out with. I can't believe I just wrote that but you know what I mean... They are so much fun and have definitely added a lot to my life since I've been here. I love them

 MANDIE!! She's such a riot. First of all, she knows everything!!! I can honestlt ask her about anything and she'll know something about it. lol She's alot of fun and i'm better off for knowing her. ;)

 Jessica has moved away but I still get to see her from time to time. She's a good friend that you can count on to be there when you need her. :)

Garage Party peeps!! This isn't a typical garage party. It must have been a birthday party but the garage should make the list. This is where it all happens. haha I love these crazy peeps in this little bitty town. They have made me feel so at home since I moved here and I wouldn't trade them or the times we've had for the biggest city you offer me. And if you know me, you know that's hard for me to say. lol

Reality TV

How do I get sucked into reality tv?! It's crazy. I dig it so much! I could sit and watch it for hours. Maybe just maybe I need to get a life or another hobby. haha

Random thought: I want to give Kauffie a mohawk. Wouldn't that be awesome?! I would freaking love it.

Ok, so I'm watching this 'new' reality show called "All About Aubrey." She use to be in a girl band called Danity Kane, which I've never heard of. She has her own show now and is trying to go solo. She has two white Pomeranian dogs, one's hair is dyed purple, in places, and the other is dyed pink, again, in places. It's kinda cute! :0 Crazy, but cute. ALSO, they wear pajamas to bed. OK, I know that's ridiculous, but Kauffie WOULD look stinking adorable with a pink mohawk and little pajay-jays. Yes...I'm that girl. lol

So on this show Aubrey goes to her choreographer to learn new dance moves to her new songs and the first thing he said to her was, "When did you get fat?" I was appalled! She's prob a size 0 or 2. When she went to see her singing coach instead of saying Hi, he said, "Whoa, you're going for THAT look, you put on some weight didn't you?" I can't believe these people! The sad thing is, she likes her curves and she told her choreographer, "isn't it ok to be curvy? Don't people like when you have curves?" And he said, "maybe in another country, but not here. You need to lose 10-15 lbs and take this seriously." I'm in shock. So she's eating a muffin while her friend tells her she needs to be eating fruit and then precedes to talk about how food fills so many voids in her life and how comforting it is. I guess you think only fat people deal with stuff like this but she's really hurting and frustrated, and the more stressed she gets, the more she goes to food for comfort. It makes me sad because I so know that feeling and I get to see what that looks like to someone who's watching from the outside in. 

     She's like "it sucks to be judged for your weight all the time. It's hard to be anorexic all the time. I just want to be able to enjoy a meal without judgment, and the the only happy times I am happy is when I'm eating."  That's so sad and I don't know why but it feels good to know I'm not alone. That there are tons of people who deal with this crap whether they're fat, skinny, famous, or just the average joe shmo. I really feel for this girl and in some weird way it makes me want to work harder to get in shape and to treat food as fuel, not as a comfort, coping skill, or friend.

My brother Rich

Yesterday was not a particularly good day for me. It wasn't terrible but definitely emotional and kinda depressing. I realized on my way to bible study that it was the one year anniversary that my half-brother passed away. Richard was only in our lives for about 2 1/2 years (long story, I'll tell you if you ask me) and we were all psyched to finally have a brother! :) I'd always wanted one, esp an older one, so when we found out we had one yes it was a shock but also really cool. Rich had a lot of health problems when we met so even when we were together for holidays or vacations, etc he spent a lot of time alone in his room. It was kind of hard to understand but it became normal after awhile.

     It was obvious that we were family because we meshed so quickly. It was almost weird how fast we hit it off! I was so happy about having a big bro. I'm still very happy for the time we had together although sometimes I wonder why God allowed us to meet him just to take him away. I may never know why so I'll just appreciate the times we DID have. It's hard to think about the week leading up to his death because all we knew was that he'd went to the hospital due to some chest pain and just "not feeling right." He seemed to be doing better and about to come home when he suddenly went into a coma and never recovered. We all left immediately, except for dad who was in Africa at the time, and drove to Ohio. I think we were there 2 days before he died. Once dad got there and we all went in to say our last goodbye's individually, they shut off his life support and we sang while he passed away. I think he only lived for like 10-11 min once they took him off the ventilator. It was really sad. I've never cried so much in my entire life. All I wanted was to be able to tell him one last time how much I loved him. I believe that he heard every one of us when we gave him our last goodbye's. They say hearing and touch are the last two things to go.

       I will always remember you Rich, and I'll cherish the moments we had together. I know that we had a special connection. I'll always remember the time we prayed together before I moved to Illinois and how you said that you know I'm going to meet my husband and you prayed about that for me. You prayed for me a lot and you got to see those prayers answered first hand. How cool is that?! Pretty dang cool. You were an awesome brother and I wish we would've had more time together. I <3 you and I'll see you soon ;)
     PS. the colors I'm using are in his memory b/c he was a huge Ohio State fan :)

Hangin out with my girl, Andi

Today has been so awesome! I slept in til almost 11am I think, THEN I got up, dressed, and headed to Old Navy. They have dresses for $9 today and with my discount on top of that, well, I wanted to check it out. I bought 3 so, YAY! I'm chilling on the couch with a blanket right now cuz I opened some windows and it's getting a little chilly. So, Andi's coming down soon and we're going to treat ourselves to Pedis, which I haven't done since last summer so I'm UBER excited! There's something about sitting in those chairs getting a massage on your back while someone is massaging and pampering your feet, all while sitting and chatting with a friend, and now that I've started for the year, I will keep it up. It's great girl bonding time and I <3 it! :) I also want to go to Bath and Body Works cuz there's a new coconut scent I want! Mmm that smells so good. 

     I'm so proud of Andi because she has been doing so well in her quest to lose weight and get healthy.  I have so much respect for her and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she will achieve her goals. She's a rock star when it comes to working out, seriously. I've never seen anyone as determined as she is and as motivated to not giving up no matter what. I love her dearly and hope her determination rubs off on me. haha No, seriously. ;) The awesome thing is she has been there for me and has been so encouraging, even though I've been so unmotivated and basically, lazy. She still hasn't given up on me and for that I love her.

fun survey

My BFF posted this survey so I thought i'd pass it along because lets face it...they're fun! ;D

 

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? OMG I'm going to have to shave and start over!!

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now? We use primarily cash so prob around $200
 

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Floor

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?My baby (Eric) ;)

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars

6. What are you wearing right now? leggings, tank and pink tunic shirt

7. Do you label yourself? Def not a trendsetter...Hmm I've never thought about it before.  Wife, singer, junk food junky?? idk...

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? WAS wearing old navy flip flops

9.Bright or Dark Room? Bright RED :D Love it

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? She's a riot and my BFFFL. She's THE most loyal friend a person could have and I love her dearly.

11. What does your watch look like? i don't own one

12. What were you doing at midnight last night? Do you REALLY want to know?? Getting it ON!! HAHA

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "waiting for cable guy to leave..."  (lol)

14. What's a word that you say a lot? niiice...

15. Who told you he/she loved you last? My hubby

16. Last furry thing you touched? Kaufffie

17. Favourite age you have been so far? 17 or 30

18. What was the last thing you said to someone? Bye, I love you

19.The last song you listened to? Forget You by Cee Lo Green   LOVE it!

20. Where did you live in 1987? with my parents

21. Are you jealous of anyone? a lot of people...for different reasons! haha

22. Is anyone jealous of you? I have no idea

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times? my phone, lip gloss, and purse

24. What’s your favourite town/city? Greenville, SC. BABY!

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I sent a card to a friend last month i think

26. Can you change the oil on a car? Umm, NO.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? That he got married like 10 years before me and has at least 3 kids

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now? nope

29.What is your current desktop picture? One of  me and Erics' engagement pics

 

30. Have you been burnt by love? Yes ma'am I have. He turned out to be gay...awesome.

Left behind :*(

I've never been the one left behind before. I've always been the one to travel, move, and leave other people behind. Not saying that it's easy because it's soo not. When I moved from PA to NC, ON THE NIGHT OF MY GRAD FROM HIGH SCHOOL, that was the closest to the end of my life as you could get...i thought. But when you move on to a new place the newness, excitement, and adventure of new places and friends definitely helps lessen the pain. You have a lot of things to look forward to and experience. On the other side of that however, are those left behind... I know I sound tragic but stay with me! You basically have a hole where these people use to fill. If you hung out with them on a regular basis, you now have days, nights, moments to fill where you feel a very real emptiness or sadness for what use to be. 

       Ok, lets just say it like it is. Tanya, you have grown to be my closest friend here and I love you so much. I miss you already because I'm starting to feel the separation as it gets closer and closer.  I will miss meeting you for breakfast, and when we do our girls breakfast together there will be a definite void where you used to be. UGH, I hate this! I am going to miss our Sunday night 'panic' group SO much! A sunday night won't pass without Eric and I thinking of you and Lamar and the times we've had together. You guys have been 'our couple'! haha I love that so much ;) We adore you guys; Your hearts for God,  Your obedience to the Father to go wherever He calls you, your ability to get together on a moments notice, haha. We just love you and what you've brought into our lives. We will miss our garage parties with you and our ability to 'let our hair down' with you guys knowing it's just a vent fest and wouldn't leave the garage. I just love how we can be totally ourselves around you, enjoying every minute. You guys rock and I hope you know just how much you'll be missed. We were talking the other day about how awesome it is that on Sundays we don't even really have to talk about what we're doing. We know we're hanging out with you and that we'll be eating pizza and junk food, and drinking a combination of diet coke, Mt dew, beer or whatever else there is. I love that we don't have to discuss it...we just know! :) We love you guys and will always cherish the moments and the memories we've shared. 

      I know you're not dying...just moving, don't get me wrong. haha We can't wait to come to Peoria, have you show us around and hang out there with you. We are so excited for you and can't wait to see what God has in store for you. It's gonna be awesome. <3

Freedom from addictions :)

     So, last week has been really cool. Weird...but cool. So, I was praying on Wed afternoon and getting really depressed and desperate, in the area of control over what I put in my mouth. I don't know if I've ever really heard God tell me to fast before but i've been reading this book on fasting and it was talking about how God acknowledges sacrifice. Any sacrifice. If something is so important to you that you are willing give something up then God sees that and will honor your sacrifice. Well, I find it really hard to fast ever since I did a 40 day fast years ago and didn't feel like anything really came of it. Sure I lost like 35 lbs that I gained back + some, but I didn't feel anything spiritually happen. No breakthroughs. Come on, isn't that why we really fast, to get something out of it? Maybe that's why nothing happened, I don't know. So now I'm also leery of fasting because I don't want to lose weight that I'll just regain. 

      Anyway, Wednesday I felt desperate. desperate for change, desperate for help...just desperate. So finally I said Ok God, I'm done! I'm not eating again until you either fix me or tell me to eat. Basically, the ball's in your court and I'm not making any more decisions about what I put into my mouth. I was scared to do this because I was a little afraid that he would make me fast forever!! haha So, I started fasting and really praying and crying out to God to heal this part of me. I said I wanted change; I nearly demanded a breakthrough and said I wouldn't eat again until He had come through for me. 

     Well, on Thursday around noon I heard him say Why don't you eat some soup? I was like...what? Was that you God? So anyway, long story even longer God has been talking to me, telling me what to eat, giving me the freedom to eat but it's very different than before. He doesn't literally tell me every meal to eat but I just get a 'sense' of what I should eat and it's different because I've realized that I no longer HAVE to eat everything on my plate. I can say no to food. It doesn't control me any longer. I really thought this was going to be a loong drawn out process.  I KNOW that Jesus can change you whenever, however He wants to but I just figured this wasn't one of those times and since I've prayed about it so many times before I was like is this time going to be any different?

     Well, I feel like it is. I really don't feel the same pull towards food that I did before. I just LOVE the freedom that I feel to kind of eat whatever, without desiring to eat EVERYTHING, if that makes sense. it's awesome!!! I pray constantly that Jesus will continue to speak to me and guide me in this new adventure. I want to lean on Him and depend on Him to fill me and supply all my needs. I keep telling Him that I hunger more for Him than for food. My verse for this season of my life is Psalm 63:5 "I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; With singing lips my mouth will praise you." I LOVE that! Pray with/for me that God will continue to lead and guide me but mostly that I will listen and obey. I want to be sensitive to His spirit and my fear is that I will go back to my old ways. I keep telling the devil that he's been defeated and my flesh that it no longer has control over me. Let it Be Jesus, let it be. :D Yay for freedom!!